Enduring

I gotta say, I am SOOOO grateful for all the prep work suggested by the "First Novel" book I bought the other day because I nearly had a meltdown and almost gave up my current story entirely. Doubts kill creativity faster than a bullet to the brain. You can't write with it. You can't have it looming in the back of your mind or it weighs the story down. Best advice? Shove it out of the wagon and press on. Who cares what's been done or what anyone else thinks? No one knows the story exists but you. You're the one who ultimately decides if it lives or dies.

Yeah, I say that NOW, but what about the near meltdown?

You see, when you're in the middle of composing a first draft sometimes the characters and "logical" circumstances wrest the book from your grasp and the story evolves into something entirely new and fascinating....just not exactly what you had planned out.

I basically had a meltdown after three such scenes exploded from my finger tips and I was wondering if the current stage of progression my "child-to-adult" character would allow for this mini-climax I had planned and was so excited about.

Due to the nature of my story, my protagonist needed to have a catalyst to make her frightened out of her wits after spending the majority of the first part of the book in a slight panic/survival mode. She needed to be in a state where she felt that her life was honestly and immediately threatened by the terrifying people she's going to eventually come to understand and befriend. I have three problems.

1.) These people are turning out to be not so terrifying and obviously helpful. Problem: it is difficult to intentially make a character very stupid and self-centered without making her completely unlikable. And unfortunately she'd have to be to not notice their niceness. They're supposed to be strange, not brutal.

2.) Terrified protagonists are OK to heighten tension for a while. Problem: it eventually becomes old and you need to have a moment when she actually grows a spine and stands up for herself. Again, the problem is likability, you're supposed to like her, not be annoyed at her.

3.) Scenes typed are often the best and purest forms of the story. Problem: due to the newly spawned scenes "time" has passed too much and she has grown as a character in such a way that keeping the other people terrifying and making the crucial scene believable has become three times as difficult. I need to start the second driving engine sooner and I need this mini-climax to happen the way I'd plan it or it doesn't fit with the characters or the ending.

Now you see why I was having a melt down.

My solution? One of the "pre-game" tips was to write the individual scenes onto note cards whose order could be shifted quickly and easily. I simply had to remind myself that the chronological order wasn't necessarily set in stone and that making that mini-climax work (with some tweaking) wasn't completely impossible and, with some creative adjustments, it could still work and might come out more dramatically than plan if I get it just right. She could grow a spine for awhile, then have a sudden fear and reminding of her mortality and the fact that she really was playing with fire.

So it is that I find myself on Chapter 4 of Clarissa's journey into a Monster Academy where she must not only survive, but find the threat that haunts even the monsters themselves and deal with it before they all end up dead.

The Awful Trend of New Years and Diving into the Publishing World

Just once, I'd like to go through a New Year without having to hear about all the awesome easy quick ways to loose weight. As if losing weight is the only resolution that could be made in the world. I'd like to walk into my local bookstore and find a table of, "Seven Rules to being a Good Person" or "Twelve Weeks to a Cheerful Personality" now those are worthy goals. Anyone who read my triathlon segment knows that I have nothing against good health and nutrition. I just think New Year's resolutions should be more inclusive than just the circumference of our waist lines.

For example, one of my goals is to get a million rejections this year. And that's good. Because what that statement really means is that I will do my best to enter the publishing world. It's time to stop dreaming and to start doing.

I find it ironic that I had to find the 'how to be an author/publishing 101' books in a dark lonely corner in the back of a bookstore that markets the hard efforts of millions of authors on every shelf. They were even next to the college textbook section. The NERVE of those Barnes and Noble people. Don't they know that they're only in business because young hopefuls like me are reading books like those? All kidding aside, I discovered some great finds.

First "Your First Novel: a published author and a top agent share the keys to achieving your dream" by Ann Rittenberg and Laura Whitomb. Basically its the conceiving to adulthood step by step guide for any published creative work. So far I'm loving it. With every tip I have to kind of grin to myself and say, "Oh I do that...oh do that to....that? psh, I figured that out when I was ten!....woooo, good idea, I'll use that later."

The other two I bought; "The Art of War for Writers," by James Scott Bell, and "2011 Novel and Short Story Writer's Market," I have yet to deeply look over. The first looked interesting so I got it. It will probably tell me a lot of what the current book I'm studying will tell me, but it's good to get that from more than one point of view. As for the "Market" book, that one was the reason behind my visit. It was suggested by my English professor who dabbles in the publishing industry. He all but said that "any serious author would benefit greatly from buying a current edition of this book." We'll see, Brother H, we'll see. I hope you're right.

Life is an Adventure: My Exciting Weekend

My week started with me getting a call from Brother W to give a talk this Sunday. You know me, if it's from the bishopric I've been taught to never say no. I put off writing my talk the whole week because, hey, I'm a busy girl trying to stay in shape and find a job AND study up on the art of publishing. It's a lot of hard work. I did get a small job babysitting 9-11 some days and some random evenings for a lady with three kids. The youngest, S, is adorable!

I should have known that procrastination would have its penalties, what I didn't know is that they'd be this severe.

I knew that a stomach virus has been going around the entire west coast for a while, but for some reason I thought I'd be safe from it. Nope. Friday night I was waking up every hour on the hour to wring out my stomach of something it clearly didn't like. Earlier that night I had made chocolate chip cookies and had only one, count them, ONE cookie before feeling ill while my mom had five and was fine. For the next 24 hours I couldn't look at something with chocolate in it without wanting to gag.

For a while I thought I was safe from giving my talk on Sunday. Wrong again, by Saturday afternoon it became fairly obvious that I wasn't going to be sick enough to miss church. So I cobbled together a few quotes and ideas about following the Willingness of the Lord and passed them through mom until I felt ready.

You'd think that'd be the end of it. Nope. I convinced myself that church started at 9:30, double checking that online Sunday morning I found out that it was actually at 9:00. Rushing to get ready I ran out the door with all my bags to discover frost on my car. I scraped and silently grumbled about being late to a meeting where I was supposed to give a talk and then when I reached for the car handle I realized one very important thing. Turning on the ignition may help you scrape off ice, but locking your door does not get you to church any faster.

A kind neighbor, a locksmith, and a lot of frustration later, I was walking into the meeting a whole hour late. The bishop decided to be nice to me and let me speak for about ten minutes anyway. I was so jumbled and spoke so fast it was a wonder anyone got anything out of my talk. I got a lot of, "there were good messages" and "good job" afterwords. That unfortunately doesn't say anything. You're required to be polite at my church.

I did find a English tutor job for someone who's taking their GED on our bulletin board though. And I met C again. C is a guy I've met all of twice and went on one date before leaving for three months. I had to ask his name again because he changed his hair and I didn't recognize him. Oops. He's working 50 hours a week and going to school full-time. I wish he'd give me some of his hours.

All in all, a very adventurous weekend.